LIFE AFTER 'BOARD EXAMS'; YOU SHALL SURVIVE.

"That awkward moment in an exam when you don't know anything, and you start laughing because you know you're fucked!"

So, dear juniors (you’re probably freaking out and checking what your zodiac holds for you; everyday), I heard your 12^th grade board exams sucked. How does it feel huh? Don’t blame me; I didn’t spy (really, I promise), I just read The Times of India, and boom- splashed on the front page- ‘MATH SCREWS CHILDREN OVER AGAIN- WALKS AWAY HAPPILY; CBSE BOARD FINALLY SATISFIED’. If you are one of those juniors who is on the verge of losing his/her shit or considering other career options, like selling coconuts maybe, believe me, this article is for you.

So, obviously, my last encounter with CBSE boards is recent, not ten million years ago. It was last year, and I’m happy to tell you- I’ve survived; still fat, not that fit, but healthy and breathing. So calm down and continue reading. I’m not going to assure you that your life will be truly amazing after the board exam results are out, because I haven’t even completed my first year in college yet, but- you shall live. And people shall forgive and forget, and the herd will move on; I can guarantee you this.

All my life, my parents, teachers, few stupid seniors, few tuition teachers, and basically 3/4^th of the world always told me that board exams were the MOST important thing in my life. After my 4^th grade finals, my teacher told me I had to perform the same way in my boards. I didn’t even know what boards were! Then, 8^th grade happened. Wow, high school and all that- where someone finally educated us on what board exams were, and how 10^th grade was super important to us. Just when we thought we got out shit together, CBSE brilliantly changed the examination pattern, and all the knowledge we had about the board exams went down the drain. They introduced CCE. I saw all my seniors get a CGPA above 9.6, and I decided- whatever that was, I was going to nail it; easy stuff. I later realised that my seniors were just smart and there was nothing more irritating than the CCE pattern. Somehow, magically, I passed 10^th grade like every other CBSE student, thanks to the new pattern, which made every child feel special. But was it over? Oh no. CBSE has a diabolical sense of humour. And that’s called 12^th grade.

Now like every other student who isn’t really sure of what to do in life, choosing the Science stream seemed like the safest bet. I always knew that I wanted a career in something related to Media. But no, I had a stupid logic that if I woke up some day, wanting to be a doctor, I wouldn’t be able to if I was in Humanities, but Science had the ability to get me through anything, and that would be my ultimate choice.

And believe me, if you can sit through every science class for 2 years, not understanding a single word, and still believe in yourself and your ability to pass, you can sail through anything.

One month before the board exams, I realised I hadn’t passed a single exam in Math in my 12^th grade, and there was literally no chance of me passing the boards; nope- no way! Just to be clear here, and boast a bit; I’m not stupid. If you’re judging me, thinking, “Hah, what a stupid child, can’t pass Math and all!” I will beat you up. I just hated Math so much, and all the other subjects (basically Physics, Chemistry and some part of Biology) too had Math! “Math” automatically got me to hate the Science stream. For me, exams meant acing the English exam. That’s all.

Board exams finally came around, and we all were like "Wah bhai, this is some serious shit, this is the true challenge in life, this is going to make me a drug addict, or even worse; an engineer", and board exams finally went away, and I came back home crying, freaking out, that my life was over. Now the thing about 12^th grade boards is that it is ‘supposed to’ decide your fate. Reality check: IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR BOARD EXAM CERTIFICATE, NO ‘DATE OF BIRTH’ CLARIFICATION, MEANS NO PASSPORT FOR YOU. A PASSPORT WILL LET YOU ROAM THE WORLD, AND YOU CAN HAVE FUN. FUN IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE. NO FUN MEANS BAD LIFE. HENCE, BOARD EXAM IS IMPORTANT.

I swear; this is how the logic works. Okay maybe not entirely, like, you need it till June, to get into a ‘good’ college and all, but that’s it! After that, nobody remembers anything! All those times your parents have compared you to poor kids who score well, your sibling who have better brains, your friends who cheat and score better than you; all those times your teachers have told you that this is the end of your life, times where your parents have given you lectures on how poor kids study with no facilities, and how much you suck, and how you have no future; basically all those moments; one word- BULLSH*T.

Look at us- your seniors- we survived; we got into a good college. I’ve known so many people who’ve scraped through boards and still ended up with a better future than the topper of their batch. I’ve met people with 60%, and also people with 90%, but nobody cares. It’s shocking how they literally put all their f*cks back into their pockets and just leave. No f*cks given. Your college professors won’t care; the students don’t care; your siblings don’t care (Okay, that’s a lie!); the society will find a new victim to prey on, and most of all, your parents will accept it and let it go. They won't disown you.

Every year, 100000000000’s of people appear in these exams (plus or minus one). Of course all of us can’t end up in IIT’s and St. Stephen's, and the other 'elite' colleges, but life goes on. You think I'm kidding? The topper of my batch (2014), Sarthak Agarwal, got a whooping 99.6% in the Science stream, and still didn't get into St. Stephen's. Not because he wasn't smart, but because the college has inhuman expectations. You worrying about it now won’t help you in any way, and the tension might just ruin your chances in the entrance exams. About that irritating neighbor who cares so much about your marks- look on the bright side- once it’s over, she’s out of your life. Maybe she’ll hover around for a month, but that’s going to be the end of it. You won’t end up as her dinner.

On a serious note though, I’m not saying these exams aren’t necessary, but they aren’t the end of your life. You still have the same opportunities, you still have the same chances; you can still achieve because there’s a lot more that life has to offer, example- your college exams. You just have to be true to yourself and believe in yourself. So what if you screwed it up? You’re not the only one. So what if you fail? As bad as it may seem, you are still lucky to have a second chance. So what if you didn’t get into your dream college? Join an ‘ordinary’ one and show them your capability. And if you hate the stream like I did, just get your shit together and start following your dream. 

Don’t let board exams spoil your trust and belief in yourself. They’re mere exams in the end. Life has so much more to offer if you are willing to accept it. There will be other issues and other problems to worry about, and 20 years down the lane, you’ll laugh about the fact that you were worried about your board exams out of all the things. Just accept it as it comes and put your best efforts into the entrance exams, and life will work out in its own strange ways.

For now, good luck for your results. May God be with you (let religion bring you peace).

O.K, BYE.

P.S:  Just in case you need tissues in May, start saving up now. If you pass with flying colors, calm the f*ck down; nobody cares after a week. That's all. 

LIFE, AFTER YOU STOP BEING A SOYA BEAN

“Never miss a party...good for the nerves--like celery.” 

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gatsby Girls

“Oh my God, there are so many people here! Why are there so many people on this planet? I need to go back and sleep; alone time is so important!” is something I usually think every day; 12 hours a day, I actually do get my alone time. Frankly, I’m so obsessed with the concept of ‘alone time’ after I came to college, that it took me an entire semester to realize that I had stopped socializing. 

Let me give you an example of how much I’d stopped participating in group activities. Recently, we had our college fest. Now, no matter where you are, no matter what you’re studying, no matter which grade you are in- school or college; fests are a very big deal! Everyone wants to participate, everyone wants to contribute; everyone except me. Why? Well, ‘too many people’ worked as a standard excuse. So when I actually looked around and realized I was pretty much the only one not contributing to the fest, I fell into my own guilt trap. After hours of contemplating, I decided I’d sign up to paint the Quadrangle (which is the empty space in the centre of the college, painted according to the theme of the fest every year), and somehow, I didn’t feel bad about it. Because 1. I love painting; LOVE isn’t even the word, but let’s just stick to that for now! 2. Because it is easy for me to zone out people when I paint, and 3. It was in the night, which meant I would get extra perm time, and I could enter my hostel at midnight without getting kicked out! It all seemed great and fell into place perfectly, and for the first time, I was sort of excited about something related to college. On the first night of painting the Quadrangle, I silently walked into the college, and tried to find a place to sit and decide what and where to start painting. And then, this happened: one classmate of mine who happened to notice me shrieked out in shock and everyone started clapping. Why? Because I was out in college, ‘contributing’ for the first time! 

Let me make one thing very clear here. They thought I didn’t show up because I was lazy; that’s not true. I was not lazy; I was ignorant towards it. Of course I joined in and laughed it off and continued my work, but this incident made me realise that my presence in college activities was so rare, that it was considered a sight when it actually happened. After this, I constantly began participating in more activities. Even though I internally despised it, I pushed myself to shut up, stop thinking, and go ahead and do it. After two months of constantly pushing myself into accepting this behaviour, I am glad to say, it was one of the best decisions I ever took.

In my school, I was a part of everything! So much that the teachers asked me to ‘participate’ in studying more, and not come to school just to be a part of extracurricular activities, or to socialize with people. I don’t really know how to explain this, but once I entered college, I decided to take a break from ‘participating’, and give some time to ‘contemplate’ things, and what I didn’t notice is that it had turned into an obsession, and I’d actually stopped participating. 

I hadn’t really thought about it positively, till now. Thinking out loud, expressing ideas, contributing and participating with real or fake enthusiasm; they have their perks. Most of the people who I consider significant in my life belong to this category and I find myself constantly fascinated by them. Honestly, if given a choice, I would choose socializing over alone time now. There are so many people around which also means- so many behaviours, so many personalities, so many different thought processes, so many ideas, so many possibilities and so many stories. Being a part of something, mingling with people; all of these not only helps the group on the whole, but also helps you as an individual, to become a better person. You learn to adjust and alter your attitude towards things and obtain a better result out of it. 

Does this mean I’ve completely given up on individual contribution and ‘alone time’? Hell no. I honestly think a balance between the both is necessary, which I can say from personal experience. There are a few things I want to do alone and take complete credit for. There are times when I don’t want people around and I honestly enjoy my own company. But what I’m trying to say is that doing ‘only’ this will help you in no way and draw you into a shell. Surrounded by people, you learn to be confident and accept your flaws with ease. You realise you are at your happiest when you join with people and lose your shit. I’m not joking. Moments you spend alone, you choose not to forget. Moments spent with people are the ones that can’t be forgotten! You not only learn to accept who you are socially, but over time, you begin to encourage and accept others for their personalities, and you begin to see the beauty in them. You become more cheerful, more imaginative, more entertaining, more sharing, less boring, more talkative, and more expressive and above all, more caring. Now, if you are like me, you’d probably ask “okay, all that’s amazing, yay, but let’s get to the point; how is this going to profit me?”, yes, for those of you who do not know me, *ahem* I *ahem*  can *ahem ahem* be a bitch *ahem* at times *ahem ahem*. Well, guess what? All of the above qualities will not only get a job, but will help you keep it. Now if this piece of information won’t make you happy and convince you to socialize, I don’t know what will.

Finally, all I’d like to say is that, if you’re alone, and if you’re sitting in a dark room … or the library, and reading this article, then stop right now (no, wait, I’m kidding, stop after 3 more sentences), get out of that place, go out, stand next the group of classmates you never talk to otherwise, look creepy, look insane, look innocent and shy, but just get involved and stat talking! Start making friends! Start participating! Believe me; you might have a lifetime ahead of you filled with a job in an office cubicle and a lot of alone time, but this moment, this chance right here, to make yourself a better person, nah- you’re not getting a lifetime supply of this! It’s now or never! So go out there, and go NOW! 

Your presence is the life of the conversation. Your idea was the one they were waiting for all along. 

A 'TOMORROW' COMES EVERYDAY; 'TODAY' COMES JUST ONCE

“What day is it?"

"It's today," squeaked Piglet.

"My favorite day," said Pooh.

I’m not really sure if I should be the one writing this article, considering the fact that I myself am not a person who lives in the moment, but the past few days have made me wonder if it’s really worth it to wait and let things fall where they may. Maybe writing this will help me too. I don’t know. 

“Planning the future and strategically executing it” is what I was always taught. Be it relationships, education, decisions, moments, anything; planning it out is necessary. It helps you on a long term basis, and you keep track on where are how you’re going. I think this is what we all are taught. But is it really true? What if this ‘future’ we depend on so blindly, the ‘future’ we think is certain, does not exist? What if this is it? What if this word, this sentence, this laughter, the sorrow, this very moment is all you’re going to have? What if today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again?

If you were to perish the next second, is this the life you are truly happy to have lived? 

Let me guess? No. Not just you and I, but 95% of the people would say no. And how do I know this? I don’t actually. But I am one of you people, and we all belong here. I can merely guess and hope that I am not in this- alone.  

‘Live like every day is your last’, ‘You Only Live Once (YOLO)’, ‘Live like there’s no tomorrow’, how often do we toss these sentences around? As a joke maybe! Or maybe we’re just trying to be cool! How many of us actually wake up every morning thinking “I’m not going to be there tomorrow. Let me live today like it’s the last!” None of us! We have faith; we have hope that no matter what happens, it won’t be us to lose out on a moment. That it will come back to us some other day, and life will give us a lot of chances to live these moments. But if you were to die the next moment, think about it, what would be the one thing you’d want to do, and have you done it already? Sadly, the answer is no; for me, for you and for everyone else. 

We might have the slightest crush on someone, we might love our dog too much, we might actually hate something to the extent of destroying it and we might dislike a person to the extent of scarring them for life. We might love a pet of ours whom we don’t get to spend time with. We might love to sing but we’re too scared to do it. We might want to pursue something but we’re too scared of being judged. But so what? They are going to judge you anyway, but you are not going to get this moment again. Your crush might not walk past you again. So what if he/she doesn’t like you back? At least you will be making their day! Does she like you back? Lean in, kiss her already! You might have never told your sibling how much you care for them, but show it to them once. Who knows, if you aren’t here tomorrow, maybe they’ll have a memory to smile about. Ever promised to catch up with someone? Promised to meet them? Then do it! Your parents; tell them you love them! Go and hug your mom right now, go and tell your dad that you’re proud to be his kid. Do you live away from home like I do? Then call them! 

Go to the nearest beach, or any place you love, some place you’ve always wanted to go to and leave your cameras aside. You have enough pictures. But do you have enough memories? Sit, breathe in, look around, live the moment. Close your eyes, and make that moment stay. Your pictures are for the world to see, but memories? Memories are personal. You can share your experiences with people, but the memories stay in our heart, in our own versions. Both of them are important. Experience will help you develop skills but memories; those are the ones that keep the fuel burning inside you, urging you never to stop. Maybe we’ll never get to go to another city, another country, but so what? Know that park near your home where ‘stupid kids’ make noise and play the whole day? Yeah, you used to be one of them, and that used to be your heaven! Go there, take your friends along. Want to go bungee jumping? Do it! Want to go to a strip club? Go there already! Want to get drunk? Want to do something crazy? Do it! (By that, I do not mean overdose on heroin and die) Want to talk about something? Talk now, talk about everything! Let your emotions and feelings out! Be kind, be compassionate, be fun, be truthful, be what you want to be because you might not wake up to be that tomorrow. Want to eat that ice cream so bad but you’re too scared that you might gain some weight? Just shut up already and eat it. 

Whenever someone told me to live in the moment and accept it as it came, I always told them that I was not that person. That I would give everything some time, and when it’s the right time, it would seem like the right thing to do. But I didn’t realize how wrong I was. Yes, I agree that certain things need a plan or you might just end up nowhere. But I lost few people, few moments and few experiences that I let go of, and I know I’m never getting them again, and it took so much to make me realize that having plans in life is one thing. Making life a plan, now that’s another thing, and believe me, it’s not worth it. In the end, we only regret the chances we never took. What wouldn’t I give to get another chance to be able to do things, say things; make things count? And as harsh as it sounds, who knows if your loved ones are going to be here tomorrow? Who knows if you are going to be here for them?  Seizing each moment in life allows us to prolong its value and make it more meaningful. Rather than seeking quantity of time, when we live in the moment we enjoy and savor every minute. You have to believe that this moment will change your life, and you have to live it! Stop waiting for the right moment, and make this count. Go ahead and commit the perfect mistake. 

What’s gone is the past, what’s coming is the future. This moment is a gift, and that is why it is called a present. 

THE 'LUXURY' AND THE ELITE- A real fairy tale.

Luxury: pronounced: ˈlʌkʃ(ə)ri/ 

(Noun)

A state of great comfort or elegance, especially when involving great expense.

Example: "He lived a life of luxury!"

Synonyms: Opulence, luxuriousness, sumptuousness, richness, costliness, grandeur, grandness, splendor, magnificence, lavishness, lap of luxury, bed of roses, milk and honey.

Oh no, I’m not giving English lessons, calm down. This is the meaning of luxury on Google. I'm just surprised why the synonyms don't include 'affordable things'. I was in a magazine store today, which is- according to me- one of the best places on earth. For those who do not know this already, I’m extremely choosy. And 3/4th of the times, this works against me. Anyway, I happened to come across this month’s Outlook Business magazine, and there was just one sentence on the cover; The Future of LUXURY. And this was accompanied by one picture; a bow-tie made of diamonds. Obviously, this interested me and I ended up buying this issue. When I went through it, I was like “I can’t believe I wasted my time over this, what the hell!”Because it was nothing but a fashion mag! I’m not kidding! But after a while, I figured Outlook Business does know how to make business out of anything, and none of what I got was a waste. Why? One word: Luxury. My luxury: Ideas.

On going through this book again, I realised that luxury always meant brand, cost and quality. But look around, is that real luxury? When we think about it, don’t we all have our own definition of luxury? For one person, it might be fine dining, a day out in Paris, and some Louis Vuitton bags. For the other, it might be eating Roti and Paneer from a roadside stall, going out with his family to a beach once in 3 years, and bargaining for a bag that costs 300 Rupees in a small shop, and expecting to get it at 150. For a rich kid, luxury might be just another watch from Rolex. For a kid from the lower middle class, or a kid with limited means, a Fastrack watch is something he’d cherish for life. Am I being arrogant and judgemental? Being a kid from the upper middle class myself, I can tell you, this is the harsh reality.

But my question is simple: Why doesn’t a magazine ever show a jute bag from a roadside stall as luxury? Why doesn’t the media ever notice what appeals to the common man the most?

I’m an avid reader of fashion magazines. And I’ve always tried to compare Femina with Vogue India; usually drawing to a conclusion that Femina is for the general folk. But in the recent past, the products mentioned in this magazine too are not very affordable. What I’m trying to say here is that when magazines do not show the people what 3/4th of the country lives on; if these magazines do not show what we can actually afford, what is the point? Is it just another pamphlet showing the rich what they can buy this season, and reminding the poor where they stand? 

What really is luxury?

I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite to the people who know me in reality, so I’m going to admit it; I am a brand freak. But one must never lose perspective of what is a ‘want’ and what is ‘need’. One must never think that luxury and class are equivalent to money and richness. No, that’s not how it works. The concept of ‘luxury’ has been there since the beginning of civilization. The obvious divide between social classes in earlier civilizations brought the concept that luxury was limited to the elite classes. And that shaped and redefined the definition of luxury. Everything the poor couldn’t have and the elite could was labelled as luxury. 

While this word is used in everyday lives to refer to certain lifestyle, the definition is specific to consumers and situations. An ice-cream would be a really big luxury item for you if you earned less than a $ per day. But if you are going to a party in the so called “elite” sector of the society, a $100,000 car may not be a luxury, but something of an embarrassment.

This brings out a multi dimensional perspective towards what luxury really is, and what media and society needs to promote, and what the true idea behind this word is. The attempts always define luxury such as high price, high quality, uniqueness, exclusivity etc. However, even with the obvious staring right at our faces, why is it still unclear; ‘What is Luxury?’ 

So what do you think is luxury? 

R.I.P: REST IN PIECES?

“What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or in the holy name of liberty or democracy?” 

― Mahatma Gandhi

The only child to survive, standing in the middle of ruins, searching eagerly through the rumbles; dusts, dirt, smoke and blood. She is searching for her brothers, who took care of her. Her mother; where was she? She was supposed to serve lunch. After all, Ma had promised to cook her favourite dish. She doesn’t search for her father; she knows he is in a place she can’t go to. Crying and frightened, she’s going in circles. Searching for anything she can find; aimlessly, madly. She finally finds a hand sticking out in the ruins, and she runs for it. Her mother’s hand; she holds it, she feels safe. But something was wrong. Why wasn’t Ma holding her back? She carefully bends down, to look at Ma’s face, and ask her why. But she doesn’t look at her mother, she looks at a face; eyes open, staring back infinitely, cold… dead. The girl screams. She falls back, stands up, and screams; there is nothing else she can do. This place was her home; now, a graveyard. She turns to run, but she freezes at the sight of a rifle pointing at her. Her killer looks at her, forgets her innocence; forgets his. He aims at her, searching for a blank space. Ah, her forehead.

She breathes her last.

Now, go back to the first sentence. What if that child was you? What if you were the one instead of her? What if it was your child in that place, and you could do nothing about it? How would you feel? 

Trying to think of an answer? Don’t bother, because you are no way near to what it actually must have felt like to the thousands who face such situations every day when their countries go on wars for peace. What you know, is how it feels to be still sitting on your couch, reading this article, a roof above your head, and some food to eat. But not everybody lives a blessed life like yours. 

Perhaps the biggest irony that was ever existed lies in the famous quote, “War for Peace”; none of us truly understand it though. No, I’m not saying the Defence isn’t necessary. After all, to a soldier, what’s standing in front of him doesn’t matter; he’s fighting for what is behind him. And there must be a reason. But funnily enough, nobody can understand what that reason is. No one can see the reason. Thousands of Dollars/Rupees/Euros go into building the army of a country; even quarter of which doesn’t go the poor and starving of the same country. Personally, I don’t understand the point of this. Each country invests millions of Dollars in nuclear weapons. Thousands of weapons lie around; some are not even accounted. There are an estimated total of 20,500 nuclear warheads in the world today. If the average power of these devices is 33,500 Kilotons, there are enough to destroy the total earth landmass." And why do we need so many of these things again? Who is going to stand here and witness the amazing after effect of war, and everything you’ve conquered if there is nobody alive? No, I’m not going to talk about war, and the causes of war, because we know there are many; religion, land, oil, terrorism, ‘combating terrorism’, the list goes on. Name the causes of peace? The one and only cause is war itself. Without rain, there wouldn’t be sunshine. Without dusk, there wouldn’t be dawn. Without war, nobody would ever know what the value of peace is. And today, we’ve had enough wars to show us that now is the time we need to start respecting the place of peace in our lives. I’m not here to talk about war and its effects. I’m here to talk about peace.

It’s not easy as you think it is; peace is harder than war. The day you drop those rifles, the day you give your children flowers instead of guns; that is the day you’ll find peace. But who would make them drop the guns in the first place? Nobody. Everyone wants change today; nobody is ready to change though. We see war on television, we see number of deaths, number of injuries, but not once we do think of what happens after the war has ended? Those who survive war do not see life the way we do; they’re scarred forever. You think terrorists are born? No, terrorists are made! And situations make them that way. Wars make them terrorists. Their parents were innocent people, killed in war for oil, killed due to religion, killed in search of one man, who wasn’t related to them in any way. If you hadn’t invested on war, but instead invested on their education, they’d know what their religion truly meant. They’d have the power to sit and think straight, like you and I. The war for peace is itself a form of terrorism. By killing millions of innocent people every year, how are you restoring peace? By not feeding the poor, the needy and the backward, how are you restoring peace? By not providing education, by not showing what love is, for not letting them live to feel love, how are you restoring peace? 

I wouldn’t say war isn’t necessary; but how long? Do we- the civilized people, the ones who know how to care, nurture and cherish- need war for this long? Is it really victory? In war, the only victory you claim is over a million dead bodies, which will rot eventually. What was the use of war all along, if the result doesn’t last even a few days? But peace; it gives you the power to let a person live. You are gifting a person the most precious thing on earth: life. Peace is not a philosophy. Peace is something that has to be experienced. No matter what you have achieved in life, if you have not experienced peace, then everything feels empty; incomplete. This is not for someone else. This is for you. You need peace, and the person next to you does too. Every human being can fulfil their heart, can fulfil this life. Gift a mother another day with her child. Gift a young girl another day with her brother. Gift a father another day with his family. Gift a lover another day with his reason to live. Gift a baby another reason to smile, to grow up, and to look forward to being a part of this world. It is the most beautiful thing possible in this short life. Why can’t we be a part of it?

DOES NEW YEAR REALLY MEAN A NEW BEGINNING?

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” 

-Oprah Winfrey

Before I begin this article, I just want to wish all my readers a very Happy New Year! I hope we all have the strength to accept everything that happens in 2015- good or bad, and I just hope we can live with it.

I was supposed to talk about dreams in this article, but since it is the 4th day of a ‘new year’, I just thought I’ll talk about what ‘new year’ actually is; because it is the newest thing right now! Look around and you’ll observe that there are 3 ways to approach a ‘new year’. 

1) “OH MY GOD! I’ve no idea how a year just flew by, and it’s already 2015! A new year! A fresh beginning! Let me party and celebrate this amazing gift by nature/god/guy-who-invented-the-calendar and make the most of it! YAY!” (This is 1/4th of how I approach it!)

2) “What’s the big deal man? Just another disappointing year of existence on earth, just another day, just another hour, why give a damn? If we were lost in a desert, and we didn’t know what the date was, would we celebrate New Year? All this is just bullshit invented by the stupid gift stores to loot money!” (Basically, a realistic approach. Or an approach of a skinny lady whose New Year resolution is not to lose weight.) 

3) “New Year huh? You mean, there’s a lot of cake and stuff? Like, I get free food? So, this is an amazing opportunity to eat more food? Hell yeah!” (Now this is 3/4th of what New Year means to me!)

I know each one has a different approach to New Year, but I’m an optimistic person; rarely, and I find New Year to be a really good chance to start over. Often we don’t give importance to the opportunities that come in our way. We take them for granted and shove it aside. I guess that’s what happens when life gives us too many chances, but hey, life isn’t a selfish bit*h. No matter how much you hate it, a New Year signifies that you’re blessed to have lived to witness it. It signifies a new chance. No, I don’t agree that it’s a new beginning. But I believe in chances. A beginning means something new. But let’s face it, there’s not much to begin every day or every year. But maybe you did begin with something a long time ago, and with every passing year, you’re getting a chance to get it right. If you ignore this, you’re just ignoring life. 

We’re humans, we dwell on hope, we dwell on chances, on possibilities and no matter how much we deny it, we all know that if we’re given a chance to write an exam again (even if we’ve failed in it a million times, and we’re sure we’ll fail this time too), we still won’t back out from accepting that opportunity and trying again. Why not New Year then? After all, life is just another exam without any syllabus. 

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” -Carl Bard

I love this quote. When we graduate high school they tell us we have our whole lives in front of us. Whether we’re off to college or exploring the world, we begin a whole new chapter. Independence.

A starting point. You can just picture that open highway stretched out to infinity before you, beckoning to a future somewhere out on that horizon that calls you to adventure. All that you will become lies out there. But most of us don’t want to see this highway. Most of us never learn to appreciate where we are at this very moment because we’re so focused on what happened (or didn’t happen) in the past that no longer exists and worried about a future that hasn’t happened yet. We don’t realize that this future is still in our hands and that we have an option to change it. We don’t realize that the past was in our hands too, and we let it slip. If we can’t change our past, why dwell on it? If we can change the future, then why dwell on it?  Just seize every opportunity and treat every day as a new chance. After all, with every chance you ignore, you’re missing out on an opportunity to change your life. Every chance you miss is like the time that just flies by; there’s no getting it back. 

So go out there, believe in yourself, take this chance, and change. Change yourself; you’ll be changing a part of this world. Change yourself, and you’ll be letting go of the past. Change yourself, and you’ll be changing your future. Each of us has a unique story we’re supposed to tell. That’s why we’re here. So go ahead and write history, because you owe it to your chance. You owe it to a New Year. You owe it to every second, every minute, every hour of every day. 

You owe it to yourself.

THE DIARY OF A SINGLE CHILD

Is being the only child really an issue?

“So, you have a brother?” I asked.

“Yeah, he’s such a pain in the ass!” She said.  

“It must be fun though, right?”

“Oh let me guess, the only child? No siblings?” she asked.

“Yeah”, I tried my best to hide the disappointment.

“Typical spoilt brat you must be then!”

What? I mean, what just happened? It was the first day of college, and hello, I barely knew this girl for 5 minutes! I mean, out of all the people, I hadn’t judged her yet, and in less than 5 minutes I was moved from “She seems like a nice girl” to the “She’s a spoilt brat” category! Trust me; I just don’t know how that happened. And it wasn’t the first time either.

Till my 4^th grade, I’d never really felt bad about being the only kid. To be honest, it was fun! I got the attention; I didn’t have to share my toys, my books. I didn’t have to borrow anything. Basically, I thought being the only child was amazing! And my belief just grew stronger when I hung out with my friends. Note this, all of them had siblings! And every single time, all I heard was “You’ve no idea how lucky you are!” and I thought I was. Now, I won’t completely deny the fact that I’m lucky, because I never ever EVER had to fight for food, or even worse, share it. Until one day, I was alone in my home, locked in for my own safety, and I heard my neighbor laughing. She was younger than me, her brother was my age, and they were playing. I wanted to go out and play with them like I always had, but I realized that they didn’t ‘need’ me there! They were happy, spending time together, and I was home, locked up, and bored. When my mom returned, I decided to go and tell her what I’d been practicing all afternoon. “Mom, I want a baby” I barked out. “What?” “No no, I mean, I want you to have a baby. I want a brother!” Of course, this came as a shock to my mom, because I had never brought up this topic before! But I didn’t stop there. I told my dad, I told my cousins, and I told everybody I knew, that I wanted a brother, or I was going to bring my cousin home and keep him. “Keep him”, can you imagine? Like he was a toy or something! My parents didn’t take me seriously, until the 7^th grade. I came back home one day; crying. I’d seen my classmate take help from her elder brother who studied in the 11^th grade. It wasn’t a big deal really, but I came back home with a cloud of depression hanging over me. And, it lasted for days. Every time I’d see siblings, I’d get really emotional and start wondering how it would be if I had a brother. Would my life be better? Hell yeah. Would I have fun? Yes, obviously. Would my life suddenly have a rainbow over it? Yeah, is that even a question? This continued till my parents considered adoption seriously, and started off with the paperwork. And man, was I happy or what? I imagined a completely different life, like; I don’t even think I can explain it to anybody! Until one day, I just woke up to feel nothing. It was sudden. I just didn’t feel anything. I walked up to my parents and told them I didn’t want a brother. That’s all. I think my parents did hate me for a few minutes there because I was barking out bullshit. But I made it final, I didn’t want siblings. “Why?” they had asked. “Because I want all the property for myself.” I had answered.

But that’s not why I told them I didn’t want a brother. Of course, I’m happy about the property and the food, but really, that isn’t the reason! I’m never going to say I’m lucky for not having a sibling. I would have had someone to look up to maybe. I would have had someone to drive away my boredom with. I would’ve had someone to share my thoughts and feelings with. I would’ve had someone to be there for me even when my parents aren’t around in this world anymore. I would have, but I don’t. And that’s my life. But I would never say I am unlucky for not having a sibling either. And this is why. All my life, I’ve heard the stereotypical comment “You must be a spoilt brat!”, but I can assure you, at this very moment, that almost none of the kids who’ve had no siblings are spoilt brats! People often think that we get everything we want, and that we are pampered beyond belief, that we live life on our terms. It isn’t true. Our parents are well aware of the consequences, and they make sure we beg around 10 million times for something before we actually get it. In cases like mine, I actually have to wait for a teeny achievement or my birthday, to get stuff. Yes, we do get things in an easier way, compared to the kids who have siblings, but hey, we didn’t get what they will always have; a playmate in the form of a sibling! I agree that we don’t have to share things, but instead of making us arrogant, it usually makes us more considerate because we were never forced into sharing against our will. Sometimes, it’ almost like we don’t know how to say no to people because we’ve never had to do that! I never had to compete for my parents’ attention, and because I didn’t have siblings, my parents became my best friends. And believe me; I’d never be more thankful towards anything than that! We end up extra responsible because our parents don’t have anybody to expect from except us. We are the eldest kid in the house, and the youngest, and we never have anybody to blame except ourselves! No partner in crime! Our best friends become our brothers/sisters in all but blood because we see the ideal sibling in them and we cherish them! Often, single kids end up becoming more confident because they don’t really know what it is to be compared with a sibling. The other reason is that we’re often eager to get some company of our own age, that we push ourselves to go ahead and talk to strangers, make friends, find company, and this is one trait that will help us throughout our lives. But the one I love the most is that I can be an introvert or extrovert by choice! All my life, I’ve had no choice but to mingle with people, which I do enjoy, but at times, when I’m alone, I never feel lonely, because, over the years, I’ve learnt to appreciate and enjoy my own company, which was the reason I decided I didn’t want a brother. I could go on listing different reasons, but that’s not the point. The point is, we need to break the “single child” stereotype. No, life isn’t what you think it is for us! We’re not all brats, and we’re not sitting on a bed of roses! Personally, I would never want my child to be the only child, but hey, if you are one, just like me, and if you think it sucks being alone, then lean back, take a deep breath, go in front of a mirror, and say “Life is awesome!” because trust me; there will come a time when you know you are the best sibling you can ever get, and that you don’t need anybody else to face the world. There will come a time when you know things will be fine, and life will go on. And, also, you have a great chance of getting all the property! Till then, lean back and enjoy that slice of pizza, which you don’t have to share. Not everybody’s that lucky! 

IF IT IS WORTH A DREAM, IT IS NOT WORTH A COMPROMISE

My semester exams are just a few days away.

Am I anxious? Worried? Excited? Am I nervous? Yes. But for the first time in my whole life, I am not anxious because I need to score marks. I am not worried that I will mess it up. I am not nervous about what my parents think. For the first time, I am excited about writing the exam itself, more than how much I might score in it.

Just this afternoon, I wasn't.

Before I start off with my sad story, let me tell you, I have immense respect towards Science and Science students. My point is that not everybody wants to be a Science student. This might seem like a clichéd article, but trust me; it’s going to take a long time for our society to accept that fact. A few days before my 12th-grade board exams, I sat with my parents and told them that I wasn't sure if I would pass Math. Obviously, they freaked out, and the next thing I knew, I was in 2 different tuitions, slogging 12 hours a day on Math, but not a single minute of it was helping. I had to switch my brain with the smartest kid in class to understand a year’s portions in 2 weeks. It was impossible. No, I wasn't born stupid or something, I've had my share of proud 100/100’s in Math too, but high school changed everything. I have an overachieving cousin, who performed excellently well in his engineering exams. An aeronautical engineer, that’s what he became. And I had no idea what it was all about in 8^th grade, but I was fascinated by the way my family was treating him, and boom, I decided to become an aeronautical engineer. But was that what I really wanted to be? No. From a very young age, I have always had an inclination towards Arts; towards language and literature, towards current affairs, towards politics, towards fashion. But I was unsure about it- not that I would dislike it in the future, but unsure because I was not used to seeing people around me opting for anything other than engineering or medical science. It’s a well-known fact that in India if you want to be anything other than an engineer or a doctor, it is literally considered a crime. Something that is just not acceptable. And believe me, I know the feeling. The time finally came when I had to choose what I would specialize in, in high school. I sat and spoke to my parents about it, about my interest in Arts, and I should tell you, I am blessed with parents who would support me with my decisions and not force something upon me, even if they do not appreciate my decision. They told me they were okay with anything, and this made me think even more. “Would my friends choose Arts?” “What if I wake up someday and suddenly realize that I want to be a doctor?” “Wouldn't Science be a safe option? I mean, I can still switch to another stream whenever I want to, right?” I asked myself the same questions every day.

Then I chose Science.

The very first day of my 11^th grade began with a physics class, and that was the exact moment I realized I wasn't meant for Science. No way! I couldn't concentrate for a single minute and all I could think of was, “what did I do to my life?” I went home, I cried myself to sleep. I cried in front of my mom (who suggested that I should switch my stream, but I didn't want to because I’d spent 3000 Rupees already on reference books for IIT and NITs. And it was still the 1^st day of school. I know right?), I cried in front of my dad (who told me I would like it eventually, and that life would be amazing if I became an architect and joined him. He is a Civil engineer.), and I cried in the park. I cried till I just couldn't cry anymore. I had no friends, they’d all chosen to steer clear from the CBSE board, and I knew none of my teachers well. I thought I had no choice but to be an architect. In 11^th grade though, luckily, I got chosen to give the welcome address in the investiture ceremony, and believe me when I say I had never been praised so much in my whole life. Not once! My English teacher, who happened to be one of the biggest influences for my choice today, told me I was meant for the media when I got down from the stage. And obviously, for a 16-year-old, that was everything! It got engraved in my mind. I began giving more speeches, I started demanding for them. I had been scared of public speaking all my life. I was scared of anything that had to do with ‘public’ basically. They would call it ‘stage fear’. Even during my school elections, I had barely managed to complete my speech, before I thought I would pass out in front of the crowd if I stood on the stage for a minute more! (I won it though, thanks to my campaigning skills! I could be the next Modi!) But as time passed, I was no longer afraid of the crowd. It was like a drug, it was addictive. What I felt on stage was probably the most beautiful feeling in the world. It still is. That feeling of liberation, that freedom, nothing can replace it. The crowd became my scale for judging my own oration skills, and comments became my tool to improve myself. I started inclining even more towards media skills and creative writing. My liking for arts began to increase. Everybody understood this. I wanted to pursue Arts. This is what they did not understand. Why would I want to make a career out of this, out of Arts, and not out of science? Why would I want to ‘waste’ my life? My interest towards science began to drop drastically. Numbers and equations, I just couldn't get it! I barely managed to pass 11^th grade.

12^th grade, midterm exams, Mathematics- 2/100.

Yes, that was my marks in the Math exam. I never told my parents, I still haven’t. I lost all hope in my education, and I gave up. I started going to classes for the sake of it. I stared at the board from 9 am to 4 pm, with absolutely nothing in my mind. Nothing except fear- that I would end up nowhere. Nothing except doubts about my own purpose in life. I know these questions seem too philosophical or stupid now, but I can assure you I am not the only one who went through this. As board exams started nearing, I started freaking out. I stared at the textbooks like a dyslexic child, because I knew nothing. There was one month to go, and I knew nothing. That is when I was forced into math tuition.

I've never studied like I did in that one month.

12^th grade is life changing, that’s what they say. ‘You need these marks, or you are doomed’, that’s what they say. But let me tell you, your 12th-grade marks are very important (VERY, if you want to get into a good engineering or a medical college), but not as important as they are portrayed to be. Life won’t stop if the marks you get don’t end up the way you expect them to be. Time won’t freeze. Once you enter college, nobody even bothers to ask you how much you scored in the board exams. You could be sitting next to a person who scored 97%, or you could be sitting with a person who scored 63%. It doesn't matter. Life goes on.

I completed my exams, with Math exam being the last one, and came back home crying. I had no hopes of passing Math. My parents were disappointed. I was disappointed. But it didn’t stop there. My parents knew I wanted to pursue Humanities, but made me appear in more entrance exams for engineering and med school than they did for Arts. I cleared them, but my board results weren’t announced yet. I fought with my family, my friends, my neighbors and defended my decision to take up Humanities. I refused to take up anything else. 4 days before the results, my dad walked into my room and sat next to me. “Pa, what if I don’t pass?”

His answer changed my whole life.

“You know, if I didn't know that you had the potential to do well in what you are interested in, I would be disappointed in you. But, I know you aren't meant for this; for science. Abhi, if you flunk math, I would be disappointed, obviously. But please remember, that isn't the end of the world. You have another chance to clear it, to get it over with and to move on in life. Shit happens, you can’t help it, but you can choose for yourself; if you want to dwell on it, or find a solution and move on. I've always wanted to see you an architect, and I still do, but this is your life. This is your decision. You need to design your life in the way you imagine it, but you need to put your best effort into that. This is your life and your dream Abhi, never ever give up on it. Few things in life are worth fighting for, even if it means fighting against your father or your own family. And your passion is one of them. Never lose hope, and never give up.” My dad, who I never thought would agree on what I wanted to pursue, ended up being my biggest support. My parents will be the biggest support I have in my life.

Surprisingly, I passed Math, I got a decent percentage, I ended up convincing them, and I got into one of the best media colleges in the country. Didn't I tell you? Life works out in its own way.

But not all kids are lucky enough to get parents who understand them. Not all students are brave enough to pursue their dreams. If you are one of them, then know that by letting go of what you don’t like, you are not letting go of your dreams. You are letting go of someone else’s dream. If you don’t follow your own dream, someone else will use you to follow theirs. Be brave; be true to yourself, because it all works out in the end. Fight for it because it deserves to be fought for. 

Now, when I study, I don’t study to pass. I don’t care about getting good grades. I don’t study to stay in the 90% range. I don’t study to top the class. I study to understand. I study because I enjoy the subject. I study because I know that even a C grade would give me a reason to just study more. I study because I love it; I study- not for the grades, but to understand the beauty of the subject.

This afternoon, I wasn't sure. But now, I am; of myself, of my dream.

After all, if it’s worth a dream, it’s not worth a compromise.

THE KISS OF ACCEPTANCE

PDA is not a crime. It's high time we accept it.

I am a South Indian.

No, that is not how I introduce myself to others. That is what the people around me take into consideration, just a second or two before they judge me. “Traditional/Conservative/Madrasi/an alien!” Or the most frequent statement, “You can’t be a Southie, you’re fair!” (Like, what?) And I don’t deny their judgement, partly because it is a wee bit true. Mostly, because I study in a university situated in South India, but filled to the brim with North Indians. One basic “college” survival skill is to ‘never go against the majority’! Coming from a South Indian family, not a very conservative one, but not very liberal either, it was a culture shock when I first decided to take a walk in the campus- my first day alone in the university. Why? I had never ‘ever’ in my entire life, seen a couple stand and kiss on the road. Not that I hadn't seen a couple kiss before (I had to drag my friend a million times from the basement of our school, interrupting the holy exchange of saliva with her boyfriend, because we were getting late for math class), but in public? Whoa. No friggin way! With my bad eyesight, and my temporarily ‘out of service’ brain, I took some time to realize what was happening, and turned away to look at something else. Anything else! My pace increased. I walked away and found myself in another road. The next thing I knew, I had called up three of my friends back home, in a span of 10 minutes, and burst out- like a motor mouth- about what I’d just seen. Oh believe me; I do not come from the 1990’s version of India. I’m talking about the society today.

What I noticed after I stepped into this university is that society changes from place to place. Back home, I studied in the same school for 14 years. I went in the same van to school for 14 years, played with the same people and shared food with the same ‘forever hungry’ group of friends. Went to the same places, and came back to my home, which is located in the same place for 15 years now. Nothing around me changed, except the size of my clothes, shoes, and a few oldies near my home that passed away. Yup, they died. The way my parents treated me changed slightly- maybe, but not much. And the neighborhood I stayed in, oh my god, it was probably one of the most conservative areas in Bangalore. Just because the non conservative kids had exported themselves to other countries and their conservative parents from the 50’s had stayed back, now retired, with a pet or two, scolding every kid who even uttered the word “play” on the road. Forget about kissing on the road, we maintained a fair but not very obvious distance from the opposite gender when they were around; sometimes even when they weren't around. Now let me make this very clear, not all parts of Bangalore are like that. The neighboring locality itself isn't like mine. Of course, we all have our share of childhood crushes, relationships, holding hands, first kisses (not me), a lot of kisses that followed (still not me), broken hearts and a lot more. But one thing that refused to happen in public was the kissing, the affection, the “PDA” basically. Public display of Affection.

As I finished my high school, my long summer- packing things, my goodbyes to a lot of people, I finally ended up in college, and all of a sudden, I was kicked out from a timid, conservative society to a ‘bang on, young and energetic, youthful’ society! Students, students everywhere! The humans above the age of 30 in this town either work for a bank (which serves the students) or as a faculty member in the university. That young a town it is. Let me be very frank. Eventually, I felt very awkward looking at a couple kissing in public. They were there everywhere! Maybe if I grew up in an environment like that, I would've been used to it, but I wasn't, and I didn't know what to do, except ogle at them like a retarded idiot. Once a person steps into college, they obviously want to experiment with everything that was denied to them before. It’s a fact. And that’s how I ended up in a club. A shady club. Being the only sober kid in the group, I sat back and started to look around and observe people with whatever amount of light was available there. The same thing happened again; showers of kisses. Couples, drunk kids, random kids, everybody. That is when I realized, I had to change. My views had to change, because the world wouldn't stop for me. The time zone I lived in wouldn't freeze for me, and with the generation moving forward, with every new step towards the future, only I could help myself by accepting this and moving on. The next day, I saw a couple making out. I didn't feel a thing. Nothing. It was almost as if I had seen it so many times, like seeing flowers grow on the footpaths, like seeing leaves on trees, like seeing something as ordinary as that.

Often, we don’t consider such actions common or normal in our society. We have the police barging into every rally, every protest and every campaign that supports PDA. We have the conservative class looking down upon PDA. But what is wrong in showing love and affection to a person? If we can fight in public, if we can show wars and its effects on television, broadcast it to the world, why can’t the Indian society accept peace, love and affection? If I could change my views, I am sure anybody else can too. By seeing PDA, one may get disgusted for a day or two, maybe a week. But after that, it just becomes a part of his daily life. I came across this beautiful quote, “Normal does not exist. What may seem normal to a spider, may be destructive to a fly”, and that explains the current situation and the mindset of our conservative society. What may seem normal to them, may be suffocating to the present generation, who dwell on freedom, liberty and openness. Yes, I agree, few thing think it is against our culture, but hey, aren't we the people who belong to the land in which there were people who carved out those beautiful sculptures in the Khajuraho temple? Sculptures, that were carved not a decade or two ago, but around 950 to 1050 AD. Now that, my folks, is a very long time ago. If PDA wasn't seen as an offense that time, by our own culture, why now? Not only in the south, which is considered to be 'conservative', but the north too. Why, in this country, is it considered an offence? 

We can only hope that this small whisper reaches them, and maybe… just maybe ring the same question in their minds.

Lean in; hear me whisper now, for we can only hope.