THE KISS OF ACCEPTANCE

PDA is not a crime. It's high time we accept it.

I am a South Indian.

No, that is not how I introduce myself to others. That is what the people around me take into consideration, just a second or two before they judge me. “Traditional/Conservative/Madrasi/an alien!” Or the most frequent statement, “You can’t be a Southie, you’re fair!” (Like, what?) And I don’t deny their judgement, partly because it is a wee bit true. Mostly, because I study in a university situated in South India, but filled to the brim with North Indians. One basic “college” survival skill is to ‘never go against the majority’! Coming from a South Indian family, not a very conservative one, but not very liberal either, it was a culture shock when I first decided to take a walk in the campus- my first day alone in the university. Why? I had never ‘ever’ in my entire life, seen a couple stand and kiss on the road. Not that I hadn't seen a couple kiss before (I had to drag my friend a million times from the basement of our school, interrupting the holy exchange of saliva with her boyfriend, because we were getting late for math class), but in public? Whoa. No friggin way! With my bad eyesight, and my temporarily ‘out of service’ brain, I took some time to realize what was happening, and turned away to look at something else. Anything else! My pace increased. I walked away and found myself in another road. The next thing I knew, I had called up three of my friends back home, in a span of 10 minutes, and burst out- like a motor mouth- about what I’d just seen. Oh believe me; I do not come from the 1990’s version of India. I’m talking about the society today.

What I noticed after I stepped into this university is that society changes from place to place. Back home, I studied in the same school for 14 years. I went in the same van to school for 14 years, played with the same people and shared food with the same ‘forever hungry’ group of friends. Went to the same places, and came back to my home, which is located in the same place for 15 years now. Nothing around me changed, except the size of my clothes, shoes, and a few oldies near my home that passed away. Yup, they died. The way my parents treated me changed slightly- maybe, but not much. And the neighborhood I stayed in, oh my god, it was probably one of the most conservative areas in Bangalore. Just because the non conservative kids had exported themselves to other countries and their conservative parents from the 50’s had stayed back, now retired, with a pet or two, scolding every kid who even uttered the word “play” on the road. Forget about kissing on the road, we maintained a fair but not very obvious distance from the opposite gender when they were around; sometimes even when they weren't around. Now let me make this very clear, not all parts of Bangalore are like that. The neighboring locality itself isn't like mine. Of course, we all have our share of childhood crushes, relationships, holding hands, first kisses (not me), a lot of kisses that followed (still not me), broken hearts and a lot more. But one thing that refused to happen in public was the kissing, the affection, the “PDA” basically. Public display of Affection.

As I finished my high school, my long summer- packing things, my goodbyes to a lot of people, I finally ended up in college, and all of a sudden, I was kicked out from a timid, conservative society to a ‘bang on, young and energetic, youthful’ society! Students, students everywhere! The humans above the age of 30 in this town either work for a bank (which serves the students) or as a faculty member in the university. That young a town it is. Let me be very frank. Eventually, I felt very awkward looking at a couple kissing in public. They were there everywhere! Maybe if I grew up in an environment like that, I would've been used to it, but I wasn't, and I didn't know what to do, except ogle at them like a retarded idiot. Once a person steps into college, they obviously want to experiment with everything that was denied to them before. It’s a fact. And that’s how I ended up in a club. A shady club. Being the only sober kid in the group, I sat back and started to look around and observe people with whatever amount of light was available there. The same thing happened again; showers of kisses. Couples, drunk kids, random kids, everybody. That is when I realized, I had to change. My views had to change, because the world wouldn't stop for me. The time zone I lived in wouldn't freeze for me, and with the generation moving forward, with every new step towards the future, only I could help myself by accepting this and moving on. The next day, I saw a couple making out. I didn't feel a thing. Nothing. It was almost as if I had seen it so many times, like seeing flowers grow on the footpaths, like seeing leaves on trees, like seeing something as ordinary as that.

Often, we don’t consider such actions common or normal in our society. We have the police barging into every rally, every protest and every campaign that supports PDA. We have the conservative class looking down upon PDA. But what is wrong in showing love and affection to a person? If we can fight in public, if we can show wars and its effects on television, broadcast it to the world, why can’t the Indian society accept peace, love and affection? If I could change my views, I am sure anybody else can too. By seeing PDA, one may get disgusted for a day or two, maybe a week. But after that, it just becomes a part of his daily life. I came across this beautiful quote, “Normal does not exist. What may seem normal to a spider, may be destructive to a fly”, and that explains the current situation and the mindset of our conservative society. What may seem normal to them, may be suffocating to the present generation, who dwell on freedom, liberty and openness. Yes, I agree, few thing think it is against our culture, but hey, aren't we the people who belong to the land in which there were people who carved out those beautiful sculptures in the Khajuraho temple? Sculptures, that were carved not a decade or two ago, but around 950 to 1050 AD. Now that, my folks, is a very long time ago. If PDA wasn't seen as an offense that time, by our own culture, why now? Not only in the south, which is considered to be 'conservative', but the north too. Why, in this country, is it considered an offence? 

We can only hope that this small whisper reaches them, and maybe… just maybe ring the same question in their minds.

Lean in; hear me whisper now, for we can only hope.