LIFE, AFTER YOU STOP BEING A SOYA BEAN

“Never miss a party...good for the nerves--like celery.” 

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gatsby Girls

“Oh my God, there are so many people here! Why are there so many people on this planet? I need to go back and sleep; alone time is so important!” is something I usually think every day; 12 hours a day, I actually do get my alone time. Frankly, I’m so obsessed with the concept of ‘alone time’ after I came to college, that it took me an entire semester to realize that I had stopped socializing. 

Let me give you an example of how much I’d stopped participating in group activities. Recently, we had our college fest. Now, no matter where you are, no matter what you’re studying, no matter which grade you are in- school or college; fests are a very big deal! Everyone wants to participate, everyone wants to contribute; everyone except me. Why? Well, ‘too many people’ worked as a standard excuse. So when I actually looked around and realized I was pretty much the only one not contributing to the fest, I fell into my own guilt trap. After hours of contemplating, I decided I’d sign up to paint the Quadrangle (which is the empty space in the centre of the college, painted according to the theme of the fest every year), and somehow, I didn’t feel bad about it. Because 1. I love painting; LOVE isn’t even the word, but let’s just stick to that for now! 2. Because it is easy for me to zone out people when I paint, and 3. It was in the night, which meant I would get extra perm time, and I could enter my hostel at midnight without getting kicked out! It all seemed great and fell into place perfectly, and for the first time, I was sort of excited about something related to college. On the first night of painting the Quadrangle, I silently walked into the college, and tried to find a place to sit and decide what and where to start painting. And then, this happened: one classmate of mine who happened to notice me shrieked out in shock and everyone started clapping. Why? Because I was out in college, ‘contributing’ for the first time! 

Let me make one thing very clear here. They thought I didn’t show up because I was lazy; that’s not true. I was not lazy; I was ignorant towards it. Of course I joined in and laughed it off and continued my work, but this incident made me realise that my presence in college activities was so rare, that it was considered a sight when it actually happened. After this, I constantly began participating in more activities. Even though I internally despised it, I pushed myself to shut up, stop thinking, and go ahead and do it. After two months of constantly pushing myself into accepting this behaviour, I am glad to say, it was one of the best decisions I ever took.

In my school, I was a part of everything! So much that the teachers asked me to ‘participate’ in studying more, and not come to school just to be a part of extracurricular activities, or to socialize with people. I don’t really know how to explain this, but once I entered college, I decided to take a break from ‘participating’, and give some time to ‘contemplate’ things, and what I didn’t notice is that it had turned into an obsession, and I’d actually stopped participating. 

I hadn’t really thought about it positively, till now. Thinking out loud, expressing ideas, contributing and participating with real or fake enthusiasm; they have their perks. Most of the people who I consider significant in my life belong to this category and I find myself constantly fascinated by them. Honestly, if given a choice, I would choose socializing over alone time now. There are so many people around which also means- so many behaviours, so many personalities, so many different thought processes, so many ideas, so many possibilities and so many stories. Being a part of something, mingling with people; all of these not only helps the group on the whole, but also helps you as an individual, to become a better person. You learn to adjust and alter your attitude towards things and obtain a better result out of it. 

Does this mean I’ve completely given up on individual contribution and ‘alone time’? Hell no. I honestly think a balance between the both is necessary, which I can say from personal experience. There are a few things I want to do alone and take complete credit for. There are times when I don’t want people around and I honestly enjoy my own company. But what I’m trying to say is that doing ‘only’ this will help you in no way and draw you into a shell. Surrounded by people, you learn to be confident and accept your flaws with ease. You realise you are at your happiest when you join with people and lose your shit. I’m not joking. Moments you spend alone, you choose not to forget. Moments spent with people are the ones that can’t be forgotten! You not only learn to accept who you are socially, but over time, you begin to encourage and accept others for their personalities, and you begin to see the beauty in them. You become more cheerful, more imaginative, more entertaining, more sharing, less boring, more talkative, and more expressive and above all, more caring. Now, if you are like me, you’d probably ask “okay, all that’s amazing, yay, but let’s get to the point; how is this going to profit me?”, yes, for those of you who do not know me, *ahem* I *ahem*  can *ahem ahem* be a bitch *ahem* at times *ahem ahem*. Well, guess what? All of the above qualities will not only get a job, but will help you keep it. Now if this piece of information won’t make you happy and convince you to socialize, I don’t know what will.

Finally, all I’d like to say is that, if you’re alone, and if you’re sitting in a dark room … or the library, and reading this article, then stop right now (no, wait, I’m kidding, stop after 3 more sentences), get out of that place, go out, stand next the group of classmates you never talk to otherwise, look creepy, look insane, look innocent and shy, but just get involved and stat talking! Start making friends! Start participating! Believe me; you might have a lifetime ahead of you filled with a job in an office cubicle and a lot of alone time, but this moment, this chance right here, to make yourself a better person, nah- you’re not getting a lifetime supply of this! It’s now or never! So go out there, and go NOW! 

Your presence is the life of the conversation. Your idea was the one they were waiting for all along. 

A 'TOMORROW' COMES EVERYDAY; 'TODAY' COMES JUST ONCE

“What day is it?"

"It's today," squeaked Piglet.

"My favorite day," said Pooh.

I’m not really sure if I should be the one writing this article, considering the fact that I myself am not a person who lives in the moment, but the past few days have made me wonder if it’s really worth it to wait and let things fall where they may. Maybe writing this will help me too. I don’t know. 

“Planning the future and strategically executing it” is what I was always taught. Be it relationships, education, decisions, moments, anything; planning it out is necessary. It helps you on a long term basis, and you keep track on where are how you’re going. I think this is what we all are taught. But is it really true? What if this ‘future’ we depend on so blindly, the ‘future’ we think is certain, does not exist? What if this is it? What if this word, this sentence, this laughter, the sorrow, this very moment is all you’re going to have? What if today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again?

If you were to perish the next second, is this the life you are truly happy to have lived? 

Let me guess? No. Not just you and I, but 95% of the people would say no. And how do I know this? I don’t actually. But I am one of you people, and we all belong here. I can merely guess and hope that I am not in this- alone.  

‘Live like every day is your last’, ‘You Only Live Once (YOLO)’, ‘Live like there’s no tomorrow’, how often do we toss these sentences around? As a joke maybe! Or maybe we’re just trying to be cool! How many of us actually wake up every morning thinking “I’m not going to be there tomorrow. Let me live today like it’s the last!” None of us! We have faith; we have hope that no matter what happens, it won’t be us to lose out on a moment. That it will come back to us some other day, and life will give us a lot of chances to live these moments. But if you were to die the next moment, think about it, what would be the one thing you’d want to do, and have you done it already? Sadly, the answer is no; for me, for you and for everyone else. 

We might have the slightest crush on someone, we might love our dog too much, we might actually hate something to the extent of destroying it and we might dislike a person to the extent of scarring them for life. We might love a pet of ours whom we don’t get to spend time with. We might love to sing but we’re too scared to do it. We might want to pursue something but we’re too scared of being judged. But so what? They are going to judge you anyway, but you are not going to get this moment again. Your crush might not walk past you again. So what if he/she doesn’t like you back? At least you will be making their day! Does she like you back? Lean in, kiss her already! You might have never told your sibling how much you care for them, but show it to them once. Who knows, if you aren’t here tomorrow, maybe they’ll have a memory to smile about. Ever promised to catch up with someone? Promised to meet them? Then do it! Your parents; tell them you love them! Go and hug your mom right now, go and tell your dad that you’re proud to be his kid. Do you live away from home like I do? Then call them! 

Go to the nearest beach, or any place you love, some place you’ve always wanted to go to and leave your cameras aside. You have enough pictures. But do you have enough memories? Sit, breathe in, look around, live the moment. Close your eyes, and make that moment stay. Your pictures are for the world to see, but memories? Memories are personal. You can share your experiences with people, but the memories stay in our heart, in our own versions. Both of them are important. Experience will help you develop skills but memories; those are the ones that keep the fuel burning inside you, urging you never to stop. Maybe we’ll never get to go to another city, another country, but so what? Know that park near your home where ‘stupid kids’ make noise and play the whole day? Yeah, you used to be one of them, and that used to be your heaven! Go there, take your friends along. Want to go bungee jumping? Do it! Want to go to a strip club? Go there already! Want to get drunk? Want to do something crazy? Do it! (By that, I do not mean overdose on heroin and die) Want to talk about something? Talk now, talk about everything! Let your emotions and feelings out! Be kind, be compassionate, be fun, be truthful, be what you want to be because you might not wake up to be that tomorrow. Want to eat that ice cream so bad but you’re too scared that you might gain some weight? Just shut up already and eat it. 

Whenever someone told me to live in the moment and accept it as it came, I always told them that I was not that person. That I would give everything some time, and when it’s the right time, it would seem like the right thing to do. But I didn’t realize how wrong I was. Yes, I agree that certain things need a plan or you might just end up nowhere. But I lost few people, few moments and few experiences that I let go of, and I know I’m never getting them again, and it took so much to make me realize that having plans in life is one thing. Making life a plan, now that’s another thing, and believe me, it’s not worth it. In the end, we only regret the chances we never took. What wouldn’t I give to get another chance to be able to do things, say things; make things count? And as harsh as it sounds, who knows if your loved ones are going to be here tomorrow? Who knows if you are going to be here for them?  Seizing each moment in life allows us to prolong its value and make it more meaningful. Rather than seeking quantity of time, when we live in the moment we enjoy and savor every minute. You have to believe that this moment will change your life, and you have to live it! Stop waiting for the right moment, and make this count. Go ahead and commit the perfect mistake. 

What’s gone is the past, what’s coming is the future. This moment is a gift, and that is why it is called a present. 

DOES NEW YEAR REALLY MEAN A NEW BEGINNING?

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” 

-Oprah Winfrey

Before I begin this article, I just want to wish all my readers a very Happy New Year! I hope we all have the strength to accept everything that happens in 2015- good or bad, and I just hope we can live with it.

I was supposed to talk about dreams in this article, but since it is the 4th day of a ‘new year’, I just thought I’ll talk about what ‘new year’ actually is; because it is the newest thing right now! Look around and you’ll observe that there are 3 ways to approach a ‘new year’. 

1) “OH MY GOD! I’ve no idea how a year just flew by, and it’s already 2015! A new year! A fresh beginning! Let me party and celebrate this amazing gift by nature/god/guy-who-invented-the-calendar and make the most of it! YAY!” (This is 1/4th of how I approach it!)

2) “What’s the big deal man? Just another disappointing year of existence on earth, just another day, just another hour, why give a damn? If we were lost in a desert, and we didn’t know what the date was, would we celebrate New Year? All this is just bullshit invented by the stupid gift stores to loot money!” (Basically, a realistic approach. Or an approach of a skinny lady whose New Year resolution is not to lose weight.) 

3) “New Year huh? You mean, there’s a lot of cake and stuff? Like, I get free food? So, this is an amazing opportunity to eat more food? Hell yeah!” (Now this is 3/4th of what New Year means to me!)

I know each one has a different approach to New Year, but I’m an optimistic person; rarely, and I find New Year to be a really good chance to start over. Often we don’t give importance to the opportunities that come in our way. We take them for granted and shove it aside. I guess that’s what happens when life gives us too many chances, but hey, life isn’t a selfish bit*h. No matter how much you hate it, a New Year signifies that you’re blessed to have lived to witness it. It signifies a new chance. No, I don’t agree that it’s a new beginning. But I believe in chances. A beginning means something new. But let’s face it, there’s not much to begin every day or every year. But maybe you did begin with something a long time ago, and with every passing year, you’re getting a chance to get it right. If you ignore this, you’re just ignoring life. 

We’re humans, we dwell on hope, we dwell on chances, on possibilities and no matter how much we deny it, we all know that if we’re given a chance to write an exam again (even if we’ve failed in it a million times, and we’re sure we’ll fail this time too), we still won’t back out from accepting that opportunity and trying again. Why not New Year then? After all, life is just another exam without any syllabus. 

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” -Carl Bard

I love this quote. When we graduate high school they tell us we have our whole lives in front of us. Whether we’re off to college or exploring the world, we begin a whole new chapter. Independence.

A starting point. You can just picture that open highway stretched out to infinity before you, beckoning to a future somewhere out on that horizon that calls you to adventure. All that you will become lies out there. But most of us don’t want to see this highway. Most of us never learn to appreciate where we are at this very moment because we’re so focused on what happened (or didn’t happen) in the past that no longer exists and worried about a future that hasn’t happened yet. We don’t realize that this future is still in our hands and that we have an option to change it. We don’t realize that the past was in our hands too, and we let it slip. If we can’t change our past, why dwell on it? If we can change the future, then why dwell on it?  Just seize every opportunity and treat every day as a new chance. After all, with every chance you ignore, you’re missing out on an opportunity to change your life. Every chance you miss is like the time that just flies by; there’s no getting it back. 

So go out there, believe in yourself, take this chance, and change. Change yourself; you’ll be changing a part of this world. Change yourself, and you’ll be letting go of the past. Change yourself, and you’ll be changing your future. Each of us has a unique story we’re supposed to tell. That’s why we’re here. So go ahead and write history, because you owe it to your chance. You owe it to a New Year. You owe it to every second, every minute, every hour of every day. 

You owe it to yourself.