“SHE WAS RAPED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. THESE
SCARS THAT STAY FOREVER HELP ME FORGET THAT.”
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| Never give in to self-harm. Always ask for help. |
Long walks help.
Especially if you've had a bad day, and you enjoy your own
company, then take a long walk alone. That’s what I do. Keep your phone away;
keep that iPod on your table. Go out, empty handed, and look around. Think. Or don’t
think, it’s up to you. But long walks help. Few change your mood. Few change
your day. Few change your opinions and judgement forever.
It wasn't a very warm day, as it usually is in Manipal. The
rains had lowered the temperature noticeably, and I decided to do what I do
very often. Take a walk alone. After what seemed like an hour or so, I ran into
one of my friends from college. No, she was not a friend at that time. I did a
quick math in my head, if I should acknowledge her presence or not. Usually, I wouldn't
think so much. I’d just wave at the person and walk past them if I recognized
them. If I knew them well, maybe I would stand and talk to them for a while. But
I didn't want to do either when it came to her. I don’t think anybody did. What
was so weird about her? I had asked myself the same question few times; I’d
asked the others the same question too. “She seems to be a bit… off? Don’t you
think?” was the usual reply. “She’s a creep!” was the other reply, which was a
bit rarer. So, being one of the people who considered her a bit “off”, I decided
to ignore her. I walked two steps ahead, maybe three, and I heard a voice call
out my name. It was her. “Hey, oh wow, hi! My eyesight sucks! What are you
upto? Going somewhere?” I blurted out (God, the random things that came to my
mind out of guilt), quite surprised because this girl qualifies to be an
introvert, very silent, very shy. “No, not going anywhere bee! (That’s what
they call me!) Too lazy, join me?”
Oh no, please, not her. “Sure”, I managed with a smile and
sat next to her on the pavement.
“How’s life bee?”
“Not all that bad! Manageable! What about yours? And hey,
why have you been missing classes? You’ll run low on attendance and the
semester’s gonna get all fucked up!” (Now this was what I have to tell my
classmates and fellow college goers. I am one of the representatives, and it
was my ‘duty’, but frankly, I enjoyed the responsibility, and I do care.)
“Yeah, about that, I've been sick, so, I guess I’ll just try
to find a way out of it!” She said, fidgeting.
My gaze automatically went down to her hand, and I noticed something.
Something I just couldn't ignore. “What’s that? Have you been cutting yourself?
Hey if there’s anything you need to talk about, anything at all, I’m here!” I said,
shocked that this girl, who seemed to act all strong when spoken to, was
actually a victim of self harm.
“It’s nothing. Don’t tell anybody, I beg of you! Please!”
“Are you mad? Of course I won’t tell anyone, but why this?”
And she began. She had been missing all those classes
because she had to visit a shrink every other day. To erase all those memories
and to get rid of those nightmares, she went. When she was not even old enough
to know what ‘rape’ meant, her mother was raped. And what’s worse, she was
raped by her husband, in front of this girl. You and I can probably never
imagine how horrific that moment must have been for her. Marital rape is still
not considered ‘rape’ by a lot of people in our country, because the husband
has ‘rights’ to use his wife if and when he wishes to, according to them and vice-versa. But that isn't true. Marital rape is a serious crime that needs to be
spread awareness about, more in the rural areas than in the urban. Nobody has
the right to force themselves upon a person; emotionally or physically. Nobody can
violate your privacy without your consent, please remember that. If you are a
victim of any abuse, then talk to somebody about it. Get help. Remember, you
deserve better than that. At the age of 11, her father left. He left his two daughters,
and his unemployed wife, and went to live on his own. In such a situation, her
mother had to come up with an immediate alternative to support the family, and
she started off as an assistant tailor in one of the small Boutiques in the
city. Seeing her mother being mistreated by her husband, by her family, by the
society and by her own sister, she never had anybody to confess to. She slipped
into depression by 10th grade, and became a victim of self harm by
12th grade. Not just self harm, but suicidal attempts. And this
change in her emotional capacity has actually scarred her for life, and the
truth is that she will never be able to get over it. Every minute, every second, someone becomes a
victim of self harm. Someone is fighting a battle with themselves, but what
they don’t know is that they will never win against it. These scars, which are
supposed to relive them from pain, are marks of those memories that they want
to forget, but how are they forgetting it, when they are carving it on
themselves forever? Anybody who is reading this post, who is going through
this, remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem to
be, and smarter than you think you are, and that things will be okay if you
talk to someone about it. If she hadn't told me her story that evening, she would still be the “creep” whom I wanted to ignore. We often
judge people so easily by how they appear to us and not by how they actually are. We
classify them into good or bad, sane or insane, fun or boring the very first
time we speak to them. That is a fact about them. But not all facts are the truth. Every
person has a story. Every person is fighting a battle of which we know nothing
about. Every person has something to show, and a lot more to hide. And everyone
has something good about themselves, just waiting for us to notice it. Be kind.
Go on long walks, look around and you’ll see things. See them
even closely, and you’ll notice them. Notice them to find something different. Let
that difference influence you. Let that influence change your perspective. Let that
perspective change your way of life, and let your way of life change the world.
Lean in; maybe you’ll hear her whisper. Maybe that’ll change
your life.
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